How Can I Stop Feeling Guilty After Breaking Off a Relationship?

How Can I Stop Feeling Guilty After Breaking Off a Relationship

This is going to sound weird and conceited and awkward, but please bear with me. I’m a 28-year-old man, and from what I’m told, I’m a “catch”. I’m well-employed, fairly handsome, and what my friends call “accidentally charming”. I’m incredibly lucky for everything I have in my life, so I’m not complaining about myself.

My problem? I can’t date normally, because the women I date get attached and I don’t have the heart to let them down. This has happened my entire life. There are women (who were then “girls”!) from fifteen years ago on through present day who consistently call me the one who got away, and it makes me feel awful. I’ve never once even briefly dated a woman who hasn’t come back days/weeks/months/years later to tell me that she “lost me”.

It makes me feel terrible, so I stick around in bad relationships. I know I do it, but I can’t bring myself to ruin another person’s feelings until I’ve been there long enough to start hating myself and my life more than I care about her. I’m in this cycle now – my current girlfriend is a sweet, kind, fun woman who’s utterly dedicated to me and who I can’t see myself with long-term. She’s been through many bad relationships, and to her, I’m “The Guy.” But I’m almost thirty and I know I don’t want to spend the rest of my life with her, so every time I’m with her, it’s bittersweet. What can I do to break this cycle and end relationships without lingering feelings of guilt?

Jay

Thirteen years ago, I dated somebody casually for about a month. Zoe. Lovely woman. Smart. Nice. Great sex. Different senses of humor and sensibilities. I didn’t see a future with her, per se, but I was definitely enjoying myself and thought she was, too.

Thanksgiving rolled around and I recalled that Zoe had lost both of her parents separately in the past year. As a guy whose father died at a young age, I was particularly sensitive to this issue, and even though I wasn’t her boyfriend, I called her on the holiday to see how she was holding up.

The second you don’t see yourself with your girlfriend in long-term, break up with her and let her find another guy who does.

I was just doing what nice, sensitive guys do, right? What I didn’t calculate was that, in taking that intimate emotional step, I pretty much induced this woman to fall for me. I was no longer the boy toy; I was suddenly acting like a boyfriend.

That’s why the second the conversation was over, I knew I had to break it off. And I did. In person. Upon which she said:

“I think this makes me like you more than I already did.”

“I hope this doesn’t mean we can’t have sex from time to time.”

Yes, this was one story in which doing the right thing led to a positive outcome. But the truth is, Zoe couldn’t handle our FWB relationship. We only got together one time after that.

I thought of this story when I read your letter, Jay, not because I doubt that you’re a “catch,” but because I find it almost amusing that you don’t know how to break this cycle.

If you’re going to feel guilty about anything, let it be that you’ve been wasting lots of women’s time under the guise that you’re too “nice” to hurt them.

Don’t get me wrong: you’re not alone. I routinely coach women who have trouble breaking things off from men. More commonly, I field complaints from women who date cowards like you who don’t have the spine to break up when you’re never going to marry her.

So there’s your answer, Bittersweet Jay.

The second you don’t see yourself with your girlfriend in long-term, break up with her and let her find another guy who does.

Doing so makes you nice. Not doing so makes you cowardly.

If you’re going to feel guilty about anything, let it be that you’ve been wasting lots of women’s time under the guise that you’re too “nice” to hurt them.

Sorry, but that’s not true. You’re just being selfish.

Readers, please share this someone who needs to hear this today.

45 Comments

  1. My immediate thought was why havent OP try to pursue girls he actually wanted to be with? Instead of cowardly dating girls who pursue him or girls he never wanted to be with in first place, just man up  and actually pursue someone you want. I’m the nicest girl around and feel absolutely awful and guilty when I end things…. but if I am dating a guy who I dont see myself with long-term or even next year, I end it pretty quickly. The relief to be single again and set someone free, outweighs any long term guilt.

  2. Sounds like a love avoidant whose ego seeks a superior stance to unconsciously defend against his fear of attachment…

  3. Better yet, Jay, show them this letter. That should do the trick. Lol.
    “This is going to sound weird and conceited and awkward…”
    Yeah, and delusional.

  4. Yes. Easy. Done and done. Evan’s feedback is spot on. Jay, you are not being “nice” by continuing to date these women, you are being cowardly, as Evan said, and you’re also being completely self-absorbed, as Evan politely didn’t say. You’re so consumed with this image of yourself being a nice guy that you’re not looking at the objective reality of the situation — you’re stringing these women along and, quite literally, wasting their time,  while in your mind you’re playing out some mellodrama on repeat where you star as the too-good-to-be-true-nice-guy-who-got-away. I guarantee that once these women gain some more experience and perspective they will see it this way and not so much as you being the “one who got away” anymore. If you are really concerned with the other person’s wellbeing and happiness, you’ll break up with them as soon as you know you don’t want to be with them, as Evan said. Once YOU decide to stop playing out this self-perpetuating  scenario, you’ll find you “miraculously” stop attracting legions of women who “get attached” — funny how that will happen when you don’t continue to date them beyond the relationship’s expiration date!

  5. Jay: from the bottom of my heart, you are exactly the type of guy who i absolutely despise. You’re a user, who uses these girls for sex, companionship and admiration and basically all of the perks that come with being in a relationship, while not actually being emotionally invested. You want to have your cake and eat it too. What’s worse, you’re not honest about it (cause if you were, there are actually women out there who want a once a week dinner friend and a fuck buddy). But no, you actually go out there and inflict this damage on women and you even have the audacity to try to claim the moral high ground on the basis that you “don’t want to hurt them”. These women don’t need your freaking charity. What they need is for the douchebag that you are to be gone from their lives.
    Go do some self-reflection on why nobody ever seems good enough for you  and stop inflicting your damage on women. Or don’t. But then – unless you spend the next 15 years of your life getting filthy rich – you’ll end up being that creepy 45 year old guy who still hasn’t found “the one” and is pathetically trying to hit on younger girls online, wondering why nobody sees him as that catch anymore. Which will be a very fitting punishment for the lifetime of crime.

  6. Stacy2 darling, why the fire and brimstone. Jay could simple be a confused young lad who doesn’t know how to deal with his superpowers!!!! In all seriousness, Jay probably checks all the marriage boxes, but is not ready to settle down. He should let all the women that are interested know that marriage isn’t on the table. I suspect that would go a long way towards addressing his, “one that got away” issue.  I wouldn’t say that he isn’t emotionally invested, I think that he actually is to a point. I believe that because marriage isn’t on the table, he operates in the relationship liberation zone. He does all the things that women expect from a perspective husband, which enables him to rent head space.

  7. He’s old enough to know…
    1) ..that “getting attached” –  actually is the point of a relationship. Ya know? So hearing a grown man cry out that those girls are “getting attached” when in a relationship is weird, to say the least. Meaning, as opposed to what?
    2) .. that lying is bad, simplistically speaking. He’s clearly lying to these women by not communicating his lack of any real feelings for them. We don’t know how much active deception is going on there, but “accidentally charming” suggests to me that quite a bit.
    And, in case you’re wondering, where do all those jaded women in their 30-ies come from- they are the ones that dated guys like Jay in their 20-ies. Of course it is their responsibility to weed out emotionally unavailable guys like him. That comes with experience! And by the time it comes, it is so much more difficult for guys like that to get past women’s guards with their bullshit. This is why men prefer dating younger women btw, who haven’t gotten that experience yet – easier to bullshit, nothing to do with alleged quest for “fertility and youth” as some would have us believe. But we digress…

  8. Emily, the original

    D_M,
    He does all the things that women expect from a perspective husband, which enables him to rent head space.
    Either that or he really knows how to lay it down!   ????

  9. Hi Jay:
    While it’s easy to interpret your letter as being smug, you actually do sound as if you have a genuine problem with the fact that the women you date are getting attached to you and you never feel the same way. It also sounds as if you have never been with someone you were truly in love with.
    Are you one of those people who prefer the thrill of the chase but not actually the settling down part of the relationship? Maybe you know deep down that you have more adventures to live before you are able to open up to the right woman. Or you settle for a string of women on a first come-first served basis, instead of taking your time to meet the person you really want to be with.
    Either way, your only responsibility towards others is to be honest to the women you are dating at  an earlier stage than you are doing right now. The rest is up to you. You can date an endless string of women, either happy with the status quo (nothing wrong with being an honest happy bachelor!) or feeling mildly dissatisfied with the way the relationships always develop. Or you can look into the mirror and ascertain what is holding you back from being with a woman who truly lights your spark.
     

  10. Finally, a reasonable comment.

  11. Hi Jay
     
    I don’t actually think you’ve anything to feel guilty about. You’re dating grown women who have the capacity to make their own decisions. If you’re not offering what they’re looking for then it’s their responsibility to dump you.
     
    It’s not your fault that they lack awareness and abdicate their personal responsibility: it’s their fault.
     
    So as long as you don’t lie, future fake or make empty promises then you have nothing to feel guilty about. So stop feeling guilty.
     
    So go forth and multiply!
     “What can I do to break this cycle and end relationships without feelings of guilt?” 
    Well you can either:
     
    Stop feeling guilty as you are doing nothing wrong,
    Stop dating altogether,
    Date higher-quality women who don’t pathetically hanker after unavailable men. Ouch! 

  12. Excellent comment, Tom10.  I was about to write a response to Jay, but you’ve covered all the primary bases.

  13. Right on Evan–he needs to stop delaying the inevitable!  Unfortunately, there’s no way to completely avoid hurting her feelings.  However, at least an earlier breakup will waste less of her time.  I also think that she’ll be (relatively) less attached, earlier on, when she’s invested less time with him.
    Not to say that someone can’t develop an intense emotional attachment after short periods of time too.  But I still think spending more time together will make things even worse.  The longer he stays with her, the more she’ll get false hopes up that he wants something more (probably thinking that he must be really into her, to spend all this time with her).  No, there’s no “good” way to break up with someone–but an earlier breakup is the lesser of the evils, after less time and emotion invested in the relationship.
     
     
     

  14. Hi Christine,
    This was a good point. I have seen many men AND women force themselves to go on one more date or stay one more week with someone who they know they do not have any physical attraction for but the person is perfect in every other category.
    To the person that is unsure that one more week or one more date is to just know for sure that nothing will spark or develop. But to the person they are dating, it is another week or another date to fall for them deeper.

  15. Thanks Adrian.  It’s never easy to break up with someone.  However, it becomes even more difficult the longer you wait.  Jay’s not giving anything to these women by postponing the inevitable.  All he’s doing is robbing them of the chance of being genuinely loved.  He’s also robbing himself of the chance to be with someone he’s attracted to.  As difficult as it is to end this, it must end since nothing good is coming out of it.

  16. True Christine, this is why no matter how harsh it sounded (I’ve been in Jay’s position) and how much it may have stung to hear; Evan was right.
    What Jay is doing is more cowardly and selfish than kind.

  17. “I’ve never once even briefly dated a woman who hasn’t come back days/weeks/months/years later to tell me that she “lost me”.
    NEVER. NOT ONCE.
    Sorry. I find this highly unlikely.
    He’s 28. He mentions girls from 15 years ago. So he’s talking about 13 year olds (lol) he “dated” who (current day at 28) call him the one who got away. Must have made quite an impression in junior high! Puhleease!
    Me thinks there’s some serious exaggerations going on.

  18. Emily, the original

    KK,
    Me thinks there’s some serious exaggerations going on.
    I agree. Is he a young Richard Gere?

  19. Emily,
    Haha! Yes! I was thinking Dos Equis man. Cuba imports cigars from him. Mosquitos refuse to bite him purely out of respect. In museums, he is allowed to touch the art.
    Lol!!!

  20.  
    Y’all getting out of hand. “Stay thirsty my friends”

  21. Emily, the original

    KK,
    Mosquitos refuse to bite him purely out of respect. In museums, he is allowed to touch the art.
    LOL
    Why are there so many men who describe themselves and ladies’ men? Is that even statistically possible? Isn’t that a title women have to bestow on them?

  22. Hi KK and Emily,
    I disagree he could be telling the truth.
    If he always dumped them during the most intense phase of their attraction for him, and since he is trying to be nice (or always trying to appear as a nice guy) he most likely does not end the relationships in a mean, nasty, or disrespectful way.
    Think about it, in the lust stages you only see the other person’s good qualities-science proves that you are literally addicted to them. Add this to the fact that he is probably dating women who are not on his same level attraction wise and it is inevitable that these women will look at him as the perfect guy the SHE was not good enough for, or that she some how messed the relationship up.

  23. Emily, the original

    Hi there Adrian,
    Add this to the fact that he is probably dating women who are not on his same level attraction wise and it is inevitable that these women will look at him as the perfect guy the SHE was not good enough for, or that she some how messed the relationship up.
    Where in his letter does it say he is dating women below his attractiveness level? Most people, IMHO, have at least one person who hangs around the periphery who wants them but the interest isn’t mutual. But a whole gaggle of them? Not likely, unless he is extremely seductive and knows exactly how to push women’s buttons. (I am 45. I have known ONE man like this, and he was more than likely a sociopath. He literally had a huge fan club of young and old women alike, and after he left them, they all thought he was the love of their lives. It was sad.)

  24. The fact that Jay actually feels guilty about his dilemma indicates clearly that he’s not some sociopath out to use women, but is a sensitive, self-aware individual who is attempting to sincerely reflect on what might he recognizes as a problematic pattern in his dating life. As Tom10 pointed out, as main flaw might be that he actually feels too guilty about his decisions. I really believe that if the situation were reversed, you’d have numerous female commentators assuring the OP that men aren’t ‘entitled’ to anything.
    Also Jay, if you happen to read Stacy2’s comment don’t take it personally. Her general opinion of men has been poisoned by her second dysfunctional marriage, which she’s demonstrated through countless posts on here.

  25. Hello Jay,
    This is advice is from one man to another (so no judgement or name calling); I think your problems would be solved if you only dated women who you actually felt attraction for.
    I am sure that the constant attention from women who are not in the same sexual market value level as you feels good, but it seems to leave you feeling hollow.
    If you crave chocolate cake but the only thing that you eat are carrots; sure if you eat enough then eventually you’ll get full but you’ll never feel satisfied or grateful for the carrots. Feeling full and feeling satisfied are two separate things when it comes to hunger and relationships.
    Regardless of what is continuously feed to us about personality and character being more important than looks, this is a great lie that many people are feed by well intended but mistaken relationship exports.
    Character, compatibility, shared values, and mutual morality are long-term traits we should look for in a partner; looks and sex appeal are initiators. It is not politically correct or accepted by society to say it; but you need to first find a person physically attractive before you even consider approaching them or accepting their approach of you.
    Now don’t mistake me! I do not mean just finding a woman who you just consider average looking or not unattractive. I mean you should seek a woman who you actually find attractive, hot, sexy, and you honestly desire her.
    My guess is that you are maybe a 7 out of 10 on the sexual market value scale but you perhaps unconsciously only date women who are 5 and below because of the level of attention they give you. Consciously you focus on character and personality which is a good thing, but without a base level of attraction you are pretty much just playing house with good female friends-and the additional benefit of sex.
    Read any comment section on any post within this site and you will see that many man struggle with finding women who know how to and desire to make them feel special during the courting phase. Many men and women think they are great catches and therefore never learn what it means to actually make a person they are dating feel special.
    Many women are so focused on qualifying a man through his level of courtship of her that they never consider that they should being doing things to make him feel special and appreciated as well.
    But!  There are still many women who do know how to make a man feel special and appreciated for his effort in courting her. A woman who is on your same level of attractiveness will enthusiastically smile and say thank you for your work in courting her, but a women who see’s you as being more attractive than she is will actively try to show you that she finds you attractive and appreciates your work in courting her (these are huge generalizations of course and some men are okay with just a friendly smile).
    I can see how it can be addictive to be treated as if you are special by a woman.
    My advice to you is to learn to be single for a while because you will have to search long and hard for the type of women that is as attractive as you or more so, that will give as much as she receives-but she is out there. Just reading the comments of many of our female regulars on this site proves that.
    Whether you are a 7 or whatever, find a woman on your same level who knows how to give you the attention you wish for. It will be more gratifying than getting hollow attention, praise, and even sex from dozens of women you have no real desire for.

  26. I think your problems would be solved if you only dated women who you actually felt attraction for.
    Excellent advice! (seriously, it is)

  27. He never said that he’s dating women whom he doesn’t feel any attraction for btw.

  28. Hi Chance,
    It is true that he did not say it, I am just basing my assumption off of the usual reasons a person would say this “always” happens to them.
    As Tom10 said, if he dated women in his own league or higher then would he not also have stories of getting dumped as well?

  29. I.e. Jay needs to stop dating “down” for sex/casual relationships and date higher quality women if he wants to break the cycle.
     
    Then when those women dump him he won’t be feel guilt anymore: he’ll feel bitterness, or anger or possibly regret that she was the one who got away! Lol.
     
    Which explains why dating the way Jay does makes sense: that way he can’t get hurt.

  30. I think the most healthy relationships are the ones where the man is more attractive to the opposite sex than the woman.

  31. I disagree Chance; I think the healthiest relationships are the ones where the woman is more attractive to the opposite sex than the man.
     
    And it seems there might be some science behind it:
     http://www.livescience.com/7483-beautiful-women-marry-attractive-men.html
     “Overall, wives and husbands behaved more positively when the woman was better looking.” The husband who’s less physically attractive than his wife is getting something more than maybe he can expect to get,” McNulty told LiveScience. “He’s getting something better than he’s providing at that level. So he’s going to work hard to maintain that relationship. The finding “seems very reasonable,” said Dan Ariely, a professor of behavioral economics at MIT’s Program in Media Arts and Sciences and Sloan School of Management. “Men are very sensitive to women’s attractiveness. Women seem to be sensitive to men’s height and salary,” said Ariely, 
    Admittedly I haven’t done extensive research here and I’m sure you might find studies which proof the opposite dynamic (i.e. when the man is more attractive) is statistically more successful; however, intuitively I feel that relationships work better when the woman is more attractive.

  32. Yet Another Guy

    I have to agree with you on this one. I was a gym rat in my twenties and early thirties, but I was a very smart, professionally employed gym rat. All of the women that I dated during that period were Barbies. The problem with most Barbies is that all they know how to do is take. My ex was the first woman I dated for whom I did not feel strong physical attraction. What I loved about her is that she made me feel like she truly wanted to be with me. I had never had a woman pick up the tab for anything until I met her, not even coffee. That completely blew my mind. Over time, I grew to love her, but I never felt the burning passion for her that I did for the Barbies.

  33. Hi Tom10, I am not solely referring to physical attractiveness.  I am talking about overall attractiveness to the opposite sex based on all of the factors (and their relative importance – on average) that the opposite sex considers and values in a potential partner.  Since looks hold much more weight for men (as a % of the factors that are considered for attractiveness in women), then it makes sense that women are more physically attractive than their partners in most cases.  Similarly, it is intuitive that men would be smarter, more successful, and possess a stronger command of social situations than their partners (on average) since these are traits that women value more than men.

  34. Interesting–does one partner necessarily have to be more attractive than the other?  What if they’re equally attractive?
    At least in my own observations, water tends to seek its own level, i.e. good-looking guy is with a good-looking girl, average guy is with an average girl, etc.  I rarely see a huge disparity in looks.  I wonder what becomes of those people?
     

  35. Emily, the original

    Christine,
    At least in my own observations, water tends to seek its own level, i.e. good-looking guy is with a good-looking girl, average guy is with an average girl, etc.
    It’s called assortative mating. It’s a subconscious thing on a lot of levels, but like attracts like. We date people who are similar to our attractiveness, educational level, mental health, etc.

  36. In my experience (not so much personal as from careful life observations), karma invariably catches up with people like that. There will necessarily be a woman (“the avenger”) who’ll treat Jay the way he’s treated his girlfriends and will make him take his own medicine. He just hasn’t met her yet but she’s out there…

  37. Who says they will dump him? If he is the catch he says he is, he should do just fine.
    I get the concept of dating ‘down’, but there is no guarantee that even they will stick around if their needs aren’t getting met. And, to use Adrian’s analogy, i would rather have short lived adventures and an LTR with chocolate cake level dates than (what are to me personally) a whole bunch of carrots.

  38.  i would rather have short lived adventures and an LTR with chocolate cake level dates than (what are to me personally) a whole bunch of carrots.
    You may reconsider your dietary preferences if one day you come across one of those chocolate cakes, and may be because you are feeling a bit down or on a rebound or what not, you just consume it without thinking about the consequences only to find yourself 10 pounds heavier, nauseous and depressed with nothing but chocolate crumbs on the plate to show for this experience. There’s something to be said for eating healthy.

  39. Emily, the original

    Tom10,
    Which explains why dating the way Jay does makes sense: that way he can’t get hurt.
    If you are always picking from the B team, then, yes, you are protecting yourself.

  40. People,
    Please don’t go down the path of low quality, or whatever other disparaging descriptor you might want to use for women that cross Jay’s path. Jay is 28 and more than likely dating less seasoned women. I suspect that their lack of experience is probably more to blame than them being somewhat less desirable on the mythical hotness scale. Emotional attachment can touch the best of us, so don’t chastise the young ladies too harshly.

  41. Hi D_M
    No one is calling these women ugly or saying they are at fault.
    But truth is truth. Regardless of age or experience a woman will put up with more from a man she finds really attractive and a man will put in the bare minimum with a woman who he barely finds attractive.
    This site is mainly sought out and used by people who want more from a relationship than just an attractive face and sex body. But to deny that looks play a huge part in dating is a great disservice.
    If I tried to date a woman out of my league and she strung me along because she did not want to hurt my feelings, is it better for me to think it is her lost and then try to date another woman out of my league?
    Or is it better for me to realize that I can’t get women who are 9’s and 10’s? I am not as hot as I think I am so I should focus on the women who do respond to me positively. It is a bitter pill to swallow, but in the long run I will meet women who will be attracted to me and I will stop wasting time, money, effort, and emotions on women who do not find me equally attractive.
    D_M just because something is bitter and hurts our ego does not stop it from being the truth.
    ….
    KK’s got my back, if I every tried to disrespect women or belittle them she would karate chop me in the neck (^_^).
    You should know that the regulars on this site do not allow that.

  42. Hmm, I know that Evan says that he doesn’t pull punches on either gender, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone on here refer to a woman as a coward.
    So for consistency sake, I’ll do it:
    Women who “string men a long for dinners” but feel no attraction to him = coward
    Women who lie to “spare a man’s feelings” when she says she has a boyfriend = coward
    Women who won’t ask a man out on a date = coward
    Women who won’t pay for a date = coward
    Women who won’t pick a man up on a date = coward
    Women who won’t get down on one knee to propose = coward

  43. Evan Marc Katz

    Women who plan, pay, propose = men.

  44. I like many have dated you, and I have male friends just like you.  They are usually very good looking men with lots going for them, who think that they can always find something better, and the truth is in their minds they do.  See there is always going to be a hotter girl, a smarter girl, one with a better body, etc.  So they keep looking and keep finding and they can get these girls because they are deemed a “good catch.”  But see when they get to be about 40 and most of the good girls are taken and married off, and the 30 year olds think they are too old, then they think OMG why did I waste my 30s and throw away all these great women?    I wonder at what point do you decide these women are not the ones and why do you decide that?   If you are truly not looking for a committed relationship you should not ever say that you are.  I think that’s what you need to ask yourself what do you want?  Then be honest with these women.  While you think you are being a “nice guy” you are actually protecting your own feelings, not their own in not being honest with them about your intentions.    This is not nice.

  45. My problem? I can’t date normally, because the women I date get attached and I don’t have the heart to let them down.
    I wonder what ‘date normally’ means for you, Jay. It sounds like the problem isn’t that women get attached to you.  That’s actually normal. It’s that you don’t get attached to them. You have plenty of opportunity, it seems.  Why haven’t you gotten emotionally involved? If you have had your pick of women for fifteen years . . . haven’t you ever wondered? Not even 13-year-old you when this all started new had a serious crush on some girl in class?  If not, you’re right.  That’s not really normal.  Not that there is a normal ’cause who cares.  But you care. You wrote in and you used the words ‘not normally’. So I’ll believe you.
    Maybe you start out liking women and are fine until you realized they are attached. And it’s not okay to stick around in bad relationships.  It’s not okay for you.  You’re saying so.
    So women are going to get attached. So what? You break up with them.  They’ll get over it, I promise. It doesn’t feel great, but it’s necessary.  Or you just date casually before they get attached. You’re young, you haven’t found the right person, just . . . date.
    From your letter and your words “I can’t see spending the rest of my life with her” maybe you need to chill with dating.  Every woman you date doesn’t have to be the one you spend the rest of your life with. If she starts thinking that, sure  get out.  But maybe practice either just casually dating or . . . figuring out why you haven’t felt emotionally attached to any woman or girl who has liked you in fifteen years.  Not even for a short time.  If it were me, I’d be asking myself that question and would be actively seeking answers.

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